Miami Florida

rattlehead334 asked:


I’m going to give you a biography of my life so far, its a bit long but please read it and read the question at the end i really am desperate.

When i was 5 years old i had willm’s tumor which is a certain type of cancer in the kidney. I went through alot of struggles and i survived through it. I wasnt able to play sports or anything untill i was in six grade (I was nearly a swimming champion in the 5 buroughs of NYC when i was a kid). When i hit 6th grade i moved to miami florida and all hell went down for me when it came to school. In gym i could barely play any sports i was the loser of the school i used to **** my pants in school cause i was still learning to control my bladder (also the fact that i lost one kidney didn’t help) i didnt have any friends at all the whole 6th grade. 7th grade i moved, hoping it would be better and it didnt. I got into a really bad school with drugs and intense bullying such as getting beat up, and having people hold you down and take a pencil and carve a word out on you arm. The teachers didnt care either they could just watch you and do nothing. After all that i moved back to new york and went into my first catholic school hoping it would be better for me. It was, but i was still dramatized by the past two years i had went through. I actually made some friends but i almost never said a word. My grades had not been good since i moved to florida and my dad threatned me to get my grades up or my parents would divorce (During all this time my brother had been a huge problem also, he had alot of anger issues, punching walls and you know….)Another thing, i was addicted to video games because it was all i had other than my parents and my brother. I couldent get good grades because i was addicted and i was still dramatized from 6th and 7th grade. I went through the year and thank god my parents didnt get divorced. In 9th grade i got into an all boys school because it was where my friends were going. I had a pretty good time, i became social with my friends but not with anyone else. I lost a friend because i kinda started to **** him and i didnt want to be around him anymore and a whole bunch of **** happened with that. Right now im in 10th grade and My best friend is one of the most well known people in the sophomore and freshman class yet i still remain anti-social with a large majority of the people. I had gotten better but since october something changed me. I began to get more irritated by things day by day. In late october i had my first panic/anxiety attack during school, and it felt horrible. After this happening 3 times and having extreeme mood swings i went to the hospital the next day. There i took several tests hoping it was hormonal problems and i also went to the phsyciatry floor of the hospital. (The hospital is colombian presbytarian, 3rd best hospital in the country) Ive been seeing a phsyciatrist every week since the begging of november. Since the incident at the hospital ive been having anxiety attacks every other day yet there has been two horrible incidents of something that terrifies me. First one was one morning i was walking to school (30 min walk) i started to hear voices in my head saying “Come to satan” “Worship Him” and they kept on repeating untill i started to see people appear and dissapear, when i got to school i was in relief.. Heh im getting scared as i type. Now the second incident happened last friday, i ended up screaming “Take my soul satan take it!” and after i screamed that out several bursts of chills came through my body and i just kept on walking. After 5 minutes, i started to say to myself “did i actually do that?” so inside my head i said “Satan if this is actually happening show yourself” and i was looking down at the moment and i looked up and there was a man right next to me and my heart basically stopped. I kept on walking and when i went under one of the bridges i have to pass by all of the sudden i see a black bird right next to a dead one and once again my heart stopped for a second. I kept on going to school and i was just flat out spaced out for 2 hours, i was so scared. This last night i had a nightmare about the devil and how the world would come to end, i woke up shaking.

Here i am today worrying about what is going to happen tomorrow morning and still scared.

Since theese problems have started i have continously been depressed, isolated myself from alot of things and i havent been getting any satisfaction out of anything really.

Since the end of 9th grade my videogame addiction has ended and thats one of the only great things that has happened in my life in a long time.

I’ve been feeling this huge burden in my shoulders lately and i suffer going to school now. I am soon going on a vacation to florida to visit my brother and some family. Yet i wont be enjoying it because i have gynocamasia and i wont be getting my surgery to take it off untill i get back from the trip.

I have felt so bad about my life
I have just turned 15
i apologize but this is the other part that didnt go through for some reason

I have felt so bad about my life lately ive thoughten about ******* because of all the bad stuff that has been happening and i havent felt good or happy about myself before. Or at least i dont remember.

Im just wondering if anyone has had any similar problems. I kind of feel like im the only one like this right now. I see other people right now having the times of their lives and im feeling like complete ****. Im also kind of in the need for some good advice or something. Thanks.

LUCIEN